There is no problem in enjoying solitude from time to time. Being alone, you can listen to your favorite music and read or go for long walks in contemplation. Those moments are certainly nice opportunities to fire up your creativity.
Yet, it is obvious that everyone needs good friends all through their lives: as a shoulder to lean on or to celebrate the big events with… you also would need good friends and a lively social life to have a higher quality life and to enjoy yourself. And yes, a major component of your self development plan.
If you don’t have much of a circle at the moment, you shouldn’t feel depressed about it. Most probably, the problem stemmed from, not your personality traits or your sad destiny, some minor details that you haven’t noticed until now. Some people make and keep friends without even thinking about it. Maybe they just picked up these skills automatically as they grew up. If you haven’t been among those, check our 5 step guide below to learn more on how to make good friends .
1. Spend time with people
It could sound strange, but most of the people who complain about loneliness don’t even realize that things couldn’t be the other way around because they barely see people. Try to visualize how many people you get in contact with in an ordinary day. If it is just the three guys closest to your cubical, there is a problem.
Your job may be stressing and tiring and at a long day’s night all you want to do is to lay down in front of TV. But keep in mind that an idle life will not only make you unhealthy and depressive, you can also lose the friends you currently have, let alone making new ones.
Join in a social club or the nearby gym; try shifting your reading routine to the library or your daily work-out to a recreational space in your neighborhood… spend more time amongst people. Maybe you will not even need to read the next 4 steps.
2. Be positive
It could be hard to cheer everyone up all the time. Neither do you have to be the funniest guy ever. Just be positive and show people that you’re content to be with them. The more rewarding they find you to be around, the more they will spend time with you.
3. Be a conversation starter
Being around people and having a cute smile are good to start with, but you can’t make friends, unless you talk to them. Don’t wait for them to make the first step. If you go one step further to them, it is very likely that they will approach you. Who knows, you can be missing a lasting friend due to the lack of a “hello”.
Some tips;
- Make eye-contact when you talk. You may look cool with your sun glasses but look approachable when it comes to meet someone new.
- Keep the conversation light. You don’t know this person very well; when you will complain about something make sure that you both agree on that.
- A good way to start a conversation is commenting about your immediate environment. Alternatively, you can make a compliment (relevant to your situation for sure) and ask for help. Afterwards, just follow up with a relevant question.
- Try to ask questions which he can answer in detail. Don’t ask, for instance “Do you like warm weather?” give him some space to talk with “What kinds of gifts do you normally buy for your mom?”
- Ask for a get-together. It could be just for coffee, or some occasion related to your common hobby. If you enjoyed chatting or liked something about this person, don’t leave everything to luck; create an opportunity to meet again.
4. Be a good friend
Don’t behave the way you don’t want people to behave when they are with you. In friendship, just in other forms of social relations, things are reciprocal. Be reliable, trust-worthy and kind. Be a good-listener and give advices when they ask for it. Above all, be there for them. You can’t always have fun together.
5. Choose right people to make friends with
Be sure about what you seek in a good friend and with what type of people you feel happy and comfortable. You tallest guy in the basketball team, or the most popular girl in office could be cool to hang out with, but that doesn’t make them the right candidates for a lasting friendship. Make sure that the person you invest your time –at least- is kind and understanding to you.
BONUS!
Don’t shy away connecting people in your office, in school, in a social gathering etc etc. Keep in mind that they are just people like you and they also need friends. If the steps given above didn’t satisfy your quest you can check How to Make Friends Worth Keeping e-book by Alex Vaselevski where you can find specific and practical action steps to help you take action and get instant results. What’s more, you will also get two e-books for free (”How to Overcome Anxciety” and “The Spiral of Influence”… It’s worth having a look.
After applying these steps to your life, you will see my friend, that it is much easier than you have thought, to spice up your social life.
Tags: be a more social person, developing your social life, development your social life, have more friends, how to be popular, how to keep friends, how to make friends