Development in Your Personal Life

Development in Your Career / Development in Your Personal Life / Development in Your Social Life — No Comments
8
Jul 10

Nothing is Perfect in the Life of a Perfectionist

Perfectionism refers to a meticulous drive to attain excellence in everthing one does, in his professional, social and romentic life. That is the characteristic of of a perfectionist.

Can everything be perfect?

Can everything be perfect?

Not surprisingly perfectionism is perceived as a good and desirable characteristic in the modern Western world, and being moderate in expectations and doings is deemed as a negative trait. Everyone expects you to be perfect: a perfect employee who gets all the work done in time and asks for more, never demanding a promotion or salary increase; a perfect kid, as the star of the basketball team and a brilliant student; a perfect husband who always comes home with flowers and diamond rings.

In this situation, you also expect yourself to be perfect to meet the standards put for you. You become a perfectionist.

When I say you “become” a perfectionist, it is to imply that you were not born one. It is not an absolute, universal characteristic. Rather, it is relative and is born of human conception. Perfection is an idea. It is an idea of a perceived ideal state of affair by a society. Perfection and imperfection are therefore merely attached values by that very society. And you are socialized into it.

Yet, you shouldn’t jump into the conclusion that perfectionism is bad per se. No. It is good to try doing your best. It is inherently good to give people what will make them happy.

However, what I am suggesting is that perfectionism can be dangerous is it casts a controlling net over your life. In this case, perfectionism leaves very little room for you to accept and love yourself unconditionally. You will start being harsh on yourself. You will accuse yourself even for some minor mistakes. Gradually your judgements about yourself will affect the way you perceive others. Everyone will seem just not enough.

However, the truth is we only have each moment of the Present Moment to live in. By being perfectionist, our mind will be forever planning and thinking about the future or lamenting about what went wrong in the past. Because of these tendencies, many perfectionists are unable to feel satisfaction because in their perception they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of contentment.

And the big paradox reveals itself:

“How can one have perfect peace, self-love and joy when one is a perfectionist?”

Development in Your Career / Development in Your Personal Life / Development in Your Social Life — No Comments
22
Sep 09

How to develop your communication skills

Communication is a two-way process in which there is an exchange and progression of thoughts, feelings or ideas. You can develop certain skills to convey your message better and ensure a true exchange.communication1

1. Know what you know.

Or better what you don’t know. Imagine people you consider as effective speakers… They give us the impression of expertise. Don’t argue on subjects that you are not familiar with.

Neither would that be cool, on the other hand, to rain on people with unusual terms and concepts to look authoritative. Make it understandable. Looking snob can be an effective conversation ender.

2. Think before you talk.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. To achieve this golden rule, understand what you will actually be saying before it is spoken. Pause for a moment, analyze what you will say and evaluate whether it will sound like what you want to mean, or not. Once a word is spoken you can’t take it back.

3. Ask questions.

As we said before “if you don’t know, ask to learn”. But not only that, ask people’s opinions, or guide the conversation with clever questions. After all it is a conversation not a lecture.

4. Listen.

Remember how annoying it is trying to find a mute second to say something with motor mouths. Give people a break and listen to them. Actively… Don’t look at your watch or think of what you will say the next. Follow the speaker and try to understand what he really means. Otherwise you can turn into one of those couples continously arguing without noticing that both are saying the same thing.

5. Establish Eye Contact.

There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. Wether it is a large group you are talking to, or just a colleague in your team it’s important that you keep eye contact to be convincing and influencial.

6. Smile.

Don’t get angry with people for they don’t agree with you, it is a mature conversation. You can better express what you’re saying and look more approachable when you smile.

7. Use Your Body Language.

Gestures are among the most effective tools of communication. Body language can help you get your point across, it will be easier for people to follow. There are studies that have proven that gestures are directly connected to language and make the message of the conversation clear.

8. Do Some “Just Kidding”.

A little kidding around in a conversation can do wonders to lift the tension. Try it also when your audience seems to be bored. You can get the attention of the the crowd back, and it would be nices than going like “are you listening to me?”

9. Bear Low Sail.

Everyone makes mistakes. In a group, don’t shy away to ask if you’re pronouncing a word right. Make a joke out of it. Laugh at yourself if others do so. It will just warm up the conversation and you certainly will not look silly.

communication2

10. Enjoy it.

Self development needn’t be solely consist of lists and steps and rules… Being better in conversations is not only another level you will advance and get 100 bonus points. Don’t forget that you want to develop your communication skills, because you want to communicate with people. So enjoy it and don’t be harsh on yourself if you can’t keep one of these advices.